You don’t HAVE TO!

Ever had an absolutely busy schedule but couldn’t turn down someone who needs a favor? Ever borrowed something to someone and felt bad to ask back for it because you didn’t want them to feel uncomfortable for not returning it or even paying back some money they owed you?

Many of you can relate to this.We find it very difficult to say no even in the most pleasant of ways because sometimes people may persist and make you feel bad that they always help you when you need it or they just won’t take no for an answer.We would rather inconvenience our lives with a smile than be honest and not take a load upon ourselves that is totally unnecessary.We are givers…we are people pleasers. We want to make everyone happy and be everyone’s happiness little do we realize is that we drain ourselves and end up unhappy.

There’s something you need to understand here.You are not an ice-cream or a bar of chocolate that everyone needs to like, it’s okay to say no, it’s okay to ask for something that is rightfully yours and its okay to put yourself and your needs first because guess what? Not everybody is meant to like you and that’s OKAY.But you know whats NOT OKAY? Taking stress and workloads which you do not need on to yourself.Precious time that you can utilize for something you could do for yourself, giving people this idea that your’e always available for them to dump their load on you or keep asking for favours and borrowing things knowing that you will never ask for any of it back.You keep saying yes and fitting them into your schedule but tomorrow you try asking for something? TRY IT! And then you tell me how many people would go to the extent that you would have had you asked them for the same favor. Not everybody is the same though, I’m pretty lucky to have a few people in my life who are my “Ride or Die” at any given time of the day or night.You need to know who these people are.

disc

You are not obligated to anyone.Each one of us is given the same amount of time each day and our own lives to lead so sometimes you have to stand up and be assertive.Say no to unnecessary people in your life that drain all your time, effort, money and everything else they can possibly exploit.If they truly value their relationship with you, they will understand.

What about those persistent WhatsApp messages? You even get people that simply want to emotionally drain you.You are caring enough to give them your time, advice and a listening ear, then they become dependent on you and start making your everyday an absolute chore.You feel bad to say “Listen here I’m busy right now so I cannot entertain your constant moaning and groaning about life” (this kind off negativity actually rubs off onto you at some point) so instead you start avoiding and ignoring and making excuses…sound familiar? Well save yourself from all the trouble and be pleasantly honest because people need to be told sometimes that no normal person who has a life and schedule can sit all day chatting and entertaining phone calls.It is an absolute nuisance as well as physically and emotionally draining.

d03f16d1b3d3fdcb29e232b3a1a99831

So if your’e a victim ofΒ  this kind of thing…Be helpful but don’t be taken advantage of.It’s time you learnt to take control and if you left with nobody that likes you…too bad, you still have your Creator ;).

And if your’e one of those people responsible for the above mentioned behavior and you know this…Nobody hates you but please be a little understanding that everybody is going through their own struggles.Be more sensitive to the needs and lives of others.Control your demands and manners and even you will feel better.A few tips that may help you?

  • If you need someone to talk to, do it! Talking about your problems and asking for advice can really ease the burden and stress but be more sensitive towards others.People eventually get tired of listening to constant complains.Your problems do not get solved by going on about them.Talk about positivity, talk about solutions, talk about moving forward instead of just the problem.You need to take some sort of action to have some sort of positive movement or reaction in the direction of healing.Sometimes you have to talk less and do more because “Actions DO speak louder than words”.
  • Need a favor? Ask! BUT…Don’t always be a friend who needs a favor, keep in touch with people because you truly care about them and want to check up if you can do something for them.Don’t always be a taker, be a giver too or else you’l be avoided and ignored because you always the one who needs something.(I sometimes avoid people like that, it’s like the minute I see their number come up on my phone, this thought goes through my mind – What do they want now??? and i literally roll my eyes- i know it’s mean but sometimes they leave me with no option .)
  • Need a loan or want to borrow something? You may ask by all means! However, it would be really nice if you return whatever it is as promised and when promised and if for some reason you are unable to do so…please send a message or call to say why or apologize for the delay etc. Don’t just push it aside and forget, it’s a filthy habit.
  • Last one, if someone tells you they cannot help you for some reason.Please be understanding, they most probably have their own things to do and find it difficult to explain this.Don’t persist and insist and nag! PLEASE!

I hope this post proves to be a little helpful and I’m getting a message across that many find hard to put out there…I’m not here to offend anyone and I’m sorry if I have done so.(I’m just being honest πŸ™‚ )

Jummah MubarakΒ β™₯β™₯β™₯

Lots of Love

Fathima

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s