You don’t HAVE TO!

Ever had an absolutely busy schedule but couldn’t turn down someone who needs a favor? Ever borrowed something to someone and felt bad to ask back for it because you didn’t want them to feel uncomfortable for not returning it or even paying back some money they owed you?

Many of you can relate to this.We find it very difficult to say no even in the most pleasant of ways because sometimes people may persist and make you feel bad that they always help you when you need it or they just won’t take no for an answer.We would rather inconvenience our lives with a smile than be honest and not take a load upon ourselves that is totally unnecessary.We are givers…we are people pleasers. We want to make everyone happy and be everyone’s happiness little do we realize is that we drain ourselves and end up unhappy.

There’s something you need to understand here.You are not an ice-cream or a bar of chocolate that everyone needs to like, it’s okay to say no, it’s okay to ask for something that is rightfully yours and its okay to put yourself and your needs first because guess what? Not everybody is meant to like you and that’s OKAY.But you know whats NOT OKAY? Taking stress and workloads which you do not need on to yourself.Precious time that you can utilize for something you could do for yourself, giving people this idea that your’e always available for them to dump their load on you or keep asking for favours and borrowing things knowing that you will never ask for any of it back.You keep saying yes and fitting them into your schedule but tomorrow you try asking for something? TRY IT! And then you tell me how many people would go to the extent that you would have had you asked them for the same favor. Not everybody is the same though, I’m pretty lucky to have a few people in my life who are my “Ride or Die” at any given time of the day or night.You need to know who these people are.

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You are not obligated to anyone.Each one of us is given the same amount of time each day and our own lives to lead so sometimes you have to stand up and be assertive.Say no to unnecessary people in your life that drain all your time, effort, money and everything else they can possibly exploit.If they truly value their relationship with you, they will understand.

What about those persistent WhatsApp messages? You even get people that simply want to emotionally drain you.You are caring enough to give them your time, advice and a listening ear, then they become dependent on you and start making your everyday an absolute chore.You feel bad to say “Listen here I’m busy right now so I cannot entertain your constant moaning and groaning about life” (this kind off negativity actually rubs off onto you at some point) so instead you start avoiding and ignoring and making excuses…sound familiar? Well save yourself from all the trouble and be pleasantly honest because people need to be told sometimes that no normal person who has a life and schedule can sit all day chatting and entertaining phone calls.It is an absolute nuisance as well as physically and emotionally draining.

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So if your’e a victim ofΒ  this kind of thing…Be helpful but don’t be taken advantage of.It’s time you learnt to take control and if you left with nobody that likes you…too bad, you still have your Creator ;).

And if your’e one of those people responsible for the above mentioned behavior and you know this…Nobody hates you but please be a little understanding that everybody is going through their own struggles.Be more sensitive to the needs and lives of others.Control your demands and manners and even you will feel better.A few tips that may help you?

  • If you need someone to talk to, do it! Talking about your problems and asking for advice can really ease the burden and stress but be more sensitive towards others.People eventually get tired of listening to constant complains.Your problems do not get solved by going on about them.Talk about positivity, talk about solutions, talk about moving forward instead of just the problem.You need to take some sort of action to have some sort of positive movement or reaction in the direction of healing.Sometimes you have to talk less and do more because “Actions DO speak louder than words”.
  • Need a favor? Ask! BUT…Don’t always be a friend who needs a favor, keep in touch with people because you truly care about them and want to check up if you can do something for them.Don’t always be a taker, be a giver too or else you’l be avoided and ignored because you always the one who needs something.(I sometimes avoid people like that, it’s like the minute I see their number come up on my phone, this thought goes through my mind – What do they want now??? and i literally roll my eyes- i know it’s mean but sometimes they leave me with no option .)
  • Need a loan or want to borrow something? You may ask by all means! However, it would be really nice if you return whatever it is as promised and when promised and if for some reason you are unable to do so…please send a message or call to say why or apologize for the delay etc. Don’t just push it aside and forget, it’s a filthy habit.
  • Last one, if someone tells you they cannot help you for some reason.Please be understanding, they most probably have their own things to do and find it difficult to explain this.Don’t persist and insist and nag! PLEASE!

I hope this post proves to be a little helpful and I’m getting a message across that many find hard to put out there…I’m not here to offend anyone and I’m sorry if I have done so.(I’m just being honest πŸ™‚ )

Jummah MubarakΒ β™₯β™₯β™₯

Lots of Love

Fathima

Pain and Prayer

Ever felt like your world was crumbling? Has anything happened to you that changed your life so unexpectedly that you gave up hope entirely on everything? I know I have.You reach a point of such helplessness that you feel even your Creator has abandoned you.You walk away from praying and your Imaan reaches an utmost low.Well, you’re not alone.

The most important thing I realized through every hardship and tragedy in life is that this world and it’s inhabitants are nothing but temporary, so are the thoughts and feelings and emotions that come with every day life.Our beloved Nabi (S.A.W) was so close to Allah and so loved yet He (S.A.W) was faced with trials and tribulations through out His (S.A.W)’s life.It just goes to show that the more you are faced with problems in life, it is because Allah loves you.Theres always a reason behind these trials as well, maybe Allah is saving you from something bad and preparing you for better.What we assume is good for us is not always good, for Allah knows best and our fates have already been written.So take the time to being more accepting of how life has turned out, for whether it is good or it is bad, it all comes from Allah and never give up hope because it is so important to have faith that your Creator will never burden you with more than you can bear.Don’t keep blaming yourself or others for what has happened in your life for it is what Allah wanted to happen and also the decisions that you have taken in your life that brings you to every point.

It took me a lot of time to understand all of this.I wasted many days crying over how life has turned out, I spent more time crying out to people who would listen and comfort me, I made myself a fool every time I trusted complete strangers in confidence who only turned my life into a stage of gossip.Many were true to me while others just wanted to know the inside scoop.The most important lesson from this? – A listening ear can also be a running mouth…never forget that.So instead of wasting your life crying over all that has happened, PRAY! Pray because only your Creator will listen, He will forgive, He will understand and most importantly He will help you heal.It’s a very long process, it takes time and effort but I promise you once you get the hang of it, it is the most addictive drug in the world.It’s not easy to just wake up and be ever so diligent, it’s challenging at times but even just one change a day slowly, build on it,baby steps. πŸ™‚ Sometimes Allah has to throw you into the deep end to make you realize what your purpose in this world is.

I still may not make it to pray all my Salaah everyday but I try and make an effort to read at least one a day and make Dua each time that Allah makes it easy for me to wake up and read the next one.I do not understand a word of Arabic, but the moment I read my Quran, I feel my heart lighten as the weight of the pains of this world is lifted.I guarantee you the more you read, the more fluent you get each day, the more you look forward to reading and when like most women it’s that time of the month? You actually miss praying and you crave the sweetness and peace of reading Salaah and Quran.It lifts your mood, it makes you feel more confident, you put all your faith into your Creator and I can guarantee you that little miracles start to happen everyday that will make you smile and realize that He is listening.

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Never give up for “Verily, with every hardship comes ease” – Al-Quran 94:6

Lots of Love and Duas…

XoXo

Fathima

Tainted Beauty πŸ˜”

Good morning thoughts…

This has been playing on my mind from the time I opened my eyes this morning.A total stranger who doesn’t know me from a bar of soap messaged me the other day saying that they felt “A woman’s beauty is tainted by their pictures being uploaded on social media”.It was so obvious that the reference was being made to me but nevertheless, I was polite enough to reply with respect and say oh well it’s just a difference in opinion from different people even though I wanted to scream HOW DARE YOU!.

Do you agree with this statement? 😏

I totally disagree.We All love to share our lives with friends and family.Some prefer not to put up pictures whilst others do,but does it really mean that every female who puts up pictures of herself – is advertising herself in a negative manner? I can’t seem to understand why people have this silly mentality.We live in a democratic country and yet we still fighting for freedom as women.We are still judged by what we do,where we go,what we wear, who we join.We are still discouraged over and over again or put down because we are “girls”.Our lives need to revolve around “What will people say?!”.

I have the right to share whatever I want to with who ever I want to and how ever I want to.We all do! Beauty is not tainted by being seen, known and popular!.Beauty is tainted by lies, cheating, back biting amongst many other filthy habits.You can be the most beautiful person in the world but if your heart and soul are not pure in the words you speak and the actions you take then not even a pretty face will hide that.People are too afraid to be themselves,everyone is fighting to be accepted.Each one wears a mask but when reality hits we all are heartbroken to see who they really are.

So be yourself, live your life according to you own rules because if you keep worrying about what people will say,your life will become normal,you will always be afraid to take a risk, dreams will remain dreams and people are still going to judge You! Upload that picture, wear that dress, take that jump.Because you’re worth it! There’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like you for who you are but don’t let that stop you.Heres to more selfies ladies!

The beauty you see in me is a reflection of you – Rumi

Small Town Talk

What’s the latest? What’s happening on your side? What’s good and new?

The all too common conversation starters to the latest gossip.Life long struggle of living in a small town,you could fart in your loo and everyone either smells it or hears it…actually some of them didn’t – they just heard that she said that he said he smelt it but he said she heard it.That’s the world we live in today.

People thrive on the stories of other people,they smile at the failure of others, they laugh at the turmoil in the lives of others, oh! and if your’e successful? Damn! You either slept your way to success or you bribed someone,conned someone,ah! Perhaps murder?! LOL! And if they not lucky enough to get the inside scoop on what really happened? ASSUMPTIONS! They add masala , come up with their own conclusions and sum every individuals life up.I’m sick of it!

So here’s the thing.Quiet frankly not everybody cares about the stories that go around about them but they are some emotionally weak individuals out there whose lives, self-esteem, confidence, reason to live, goals and dreams that are destroyed by the running mouths.(I am not one of them,try me πŸ™‚ ) SO Do me a favour! Stop judging! Look into your own rubbish bin for once in your life, all the skeletons in your closet, all your dirt swept under the carpet before you choose to speak about others.

Face it, we all make mistakes in life,nobody wakes up in the morning with the intention of doing drugs, becoming an alcoholic, falling in love with the wrong person, falling pregnant out of wedlock, getting divorced, having an affair and all other things considered wrong by society and religion, don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say any of this is right but has anyone taken the chance to look into the person’s life and find the real reason behind his/her actions? And females seem to be the most vulnerable targets these days.Cut it out, it’s the 21st century.Today, youngsters are exposed to alcohol,sex, drugs amongst many other things in abundance.Not everybody can be assertive and say no,lot’s of weak individuals are sucked up into this world just to fit in and be cool. Tweens and teens more so! And why? Once again boundaries set by society, images drawn by society yet the same people are judging..how confusing.

We all have a rebel in us, every single person alive today can never say that they have never defied the rules laid down and the boundaries set by society and it doesn’t mean defying them makes you a bad person.We all have good in us , we just make bad choices and there are lessons we all learn from every mistake.

I could go on forever with the complaints but you all get my vibe,I’m sure.All I’m trying to say is be more sensitive towards these things.If something bad happens to someone and you cant be of any help , there is no need to spread the news like hot fire.Do not rub salt in their wounds.If what comes out of your mouth is not valuable then rather don’t say anything at all.If someone makes a mistake , do not make a mockery, advise them, guide them, correct them and if you can’t? Hold that tongue Niggah!

SPEAK A GOOD WORD OR REMAIN SILENT – Prophet Muhammad S.A.W

Enthusiastic learner blogger :)

Hi / Assalaamualaikum to all that may read this…

I created this blog quiet some time ago when I was much more confused about life.I was bored and my passion for socializing and wanting more out of life told me to try blogging.I had no idea what to blog about and today I laughed at many of my posts and actually deleted quiet a few posts as well.It’s hilarious when you look back at how we freely said anything on social media when we were younger and only realize what a fool we have made of ourselves much later in life…nevertheless, it’s all part of growing up.

I intend on using this blog to tackle the ups and downs of life.Perhaps I may share a few experiences of my own so people may understand me better and how life has moulded me into becoming this person that I am now.

Comments and suggestions are welcome…inspire me to write about something interesting or perhaps something you’ve always wanted to know but were too afraid to ask…

So let this journey begin…